


Your Cold Blue Lips

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Christmas Angst, Corpses, Dancing, Denial, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, I made myself sad, I'm Sorry, M/M, Repressed Memories, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28305750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Theo never appreciated Christmas. He never saw the appeal. At least not until Liam came along and changed all that. This Christmas isn't the same as all their other Christmases though. Even if Theo won't admit to himself why. Theo finds out the hard way that there's only so long that someone can deny reality before it all comes crashing down.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 14
Kudos: 25





	Your Cold Blue Lips

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Underthegallowws](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthegallowws/gifts).



> For Mary, for a small Secret Santa. You did say "a MCD by Tabs is like the perfect present" and well... I ran with it 😆. Happy Holidays, my dear! 💜
> 
> Title, lyrics, and mood come from the song [Blue and Cold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEHC84Ve4PM) by Verses The World. So if you want the added angst I'd recommend putting it on.

Theo never truly knew the meaning of Christmas. Not until Liam. For a long time, he just saw it as some commercialized holiday where people guilt other people into buying things for them or donating money or whatever else the new agenda was. 

Christmas season was one of Theo's least favorites. It was harder to steal when the stores were overcrowded. Too many prying eyes. Which meant sometimes he went days without eating. The Dread Doctors certainly never made sure he was fed. He had to fend for himself, show he had what it takes to survive. And he had. 

But being around Liam made things different. In a lot of ways, sure. But Christmas specifically. Theo had grown to love the holiday season because of Liam. He looked forward to decorating the apartment together, putting up the tree, and laughing at the wolf Liam insisted on putting on top. He loved coming home to an apartment filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies and Liam humming in the kitchen. 

They’re some of his favorite moments now. 

Theo smiles to himself as he pulls out the fairy lights from the box and works on untangling them. Liam used to grow frustrated with the task, saying it always took too long. But not Theo. For some reason, he liked the menial task. He’d always do the lights while Liam worked on other things or simply watched him from the couch with a glass of eggnog, which is exactly what he’s doing now.

Soft music fills the apartment as Theo sets to work, hanging the lights around the apartment, casting the room in a faint blue and gold glow. Theo dims the rest of the lights and smiles to himself. It’s perfect. Now he just needs the tree.

He’s grabbing it from the box when he hears Liam sigh from the couch. “What is it?”

"You shouldn't be doing this."

"What?” Theo asks, smiling over his shoulder at Liam. “Decorating for Christmas?"

Liam shakes his head, "It's not healthy."

"You're the one that loves Christmas, and now you're telling me it's not healthy."

Liam sighs, "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

A vision flashes through Theo’s mind. Screaming. Blood coating his hands. A fading heartbeat. He pushes it aside and says softly. "Can't you just let me have this?"

“I wish I could,” Liam says just as softly. “But Theo, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Theo says. “I’m decorating the apartment like we do everything year. Which you could help me, you know?”

“I can’t,” Liam says. “You know that.”

“Yes, because you decided to be lazy this year,” Theo teases. But it’s forced. It’s all forced. But it’s fine. He’ll keep forcing it. He’ll keep...

“No, because I’m not really here, Theo,” Liam says. “And you know that.”

Theo shakes his head, “No. No, you’re right there, Liam. You’re…” Theo turns to look at him and has to choke back a sob. “Liam.”

He walks over to his boyfriend where he’s sitting on the couch with a Santa hat perched on his head. He always loved the stupid hats. Last Christmas, he insisted they both wear them for their pictures for their Christmas card. 

Liam, thinking it was hilarious, had made Theo wear one with tiny bells on the ends. It had driven Theo crazy the whole day, and by the end he’d wanted to rip the damn thing to shreds. Then they’d gotten home, and Liam had smiled at him and tugged him down by his hat so he could kiss him. It was always hard to stay annoyed when Liam would kiss him so sweetly. 

“Liam,” he whispers, crawling on the couch next to his boyfriend. He hugs him tightly and tucks his face into his neck. Something he’s always loved to do. Liam’s scent was strongest here. It feels off now. It all does. There’s a voice in Theo’s mind telling him he knows why, but he closes his eyes and pushes it down. 

“I want you to dance with me,” Theo tells him.

“You know I can’t dance,” Liam tells him.

“Yeah, I know, because you have two left feet,” Theo jokes. “But that’s never stopped you before.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply before standing back up and pulling Liam along with him. He’s supporting Liam’s weight as he drags him out into the middle of the room and starts swaying to the music. 

_What a miracle it'd be if I could see  
Just one more breath escape past your teeth_

“You’re listening to some depressing Christmas music this year,” Liam comments. 

“I suppose,” Theo says, pulling Liam closer. Truthfully, he hadn’t meant for this song to come on. He’d just been playing one of Liam’s old favorite Christmas compilation albums. Theo’s heard this song so many times, and sure it’s always been sad. But it never meant anything. 

“I should change it,” Theo says.

“No, I think you need to hear it,” Liam tells him. “You need to _listen._ ”

“No,” Theo says, shaking his head. “No.”

“Listen,” Liam whispers.

Against his better judgment, Theo does. He’s never been able to deny Liam anything. The words wash over him, and Theo stills in the middle of the floor.

_Your cold blue lips haunt me while I sleep_   
_They find me and remind me_   
_It's not blood, it's not tears that makes you real_   
_It’s the memory you left inside of me_

“Liam,” Theo whispers.

“It’s okay,” Liam says softly. Now would be the time where Liam would kiss his cheek and run a hand through his hair. But it doesn’t come. Theo just feels cold. 

“I need you to look at me, Theo,” Liam says.

Theo shakes his head, “No.”

“Theo, you need to do this,” Liam tells him. “You have to.”

“Just let me have this,” Theo whispers brokenly. “Let me have Christmas.”

“I can’t,” Liam says. “You know that. So _look_ at me.”

Theo takes a shuddering breath and looks down at the man in his arms. His Liam. The Santa hat has fallen slightly down his head, half-covering his face. But it’s not enough to hide the truth. Not enough to keep Theo from seeing his sallow, too pale skin. His dried, bloodless lips. And his eyes, the eyes Theo loves so much, staring straight ahead but not seeing anything. 

Theo falls to his knees, taking Liam down with him. “Liam,” Theo sobs. “Liam. Please.”

Liam doesn’t answer. He can’t, because he’s not here. He hasn’t been for a while. Theo’s not sure how long it’s been anymore. Time hasn’t felt real. Not since he walked into their apartment and saw Liam bleeding out on the floor. He’d been dead before Theo even reached him. Theo’s pounding fists and screaming couldn’t wake him. Nothing could. Liam had died alone, and Theo hadn’t been there. He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye. 

Theo hadn’t done any of the things he was supposed to. He hadn’t called the cops. Hadn’t called Scott or Liam’s family. He’d simply cleaned Liam up and dressed him in his favorite Christmas sweater and then bleached the floor, wiping away any trace of what had happened. If he couldn’t see it, it wasn’t real. And for days, it hadn’t been. Theo had lost himself in his memories of Liam. Making them dinner, baking cookies, decorating the apartment. Doing all the things they were supposed to do together. 

Facing what happened hadn’t been an option. Even as some part of himself urged him to admit it. Even as Liam’s body started to decay in front of him. It was easier to live in his dream than face a life without Liam. And he wants nothing more than to go back there. He tries. He closes his eyes and wishes this all away. He tells himself it’s a bad dream, and when he opens his eyes Liam will be smiling back at him, alive and well. But he’s not. All he sees is Liam’s lifeless eyes. 

Theo hugs Liam to his chest as he cries. He cries and he begs for Liam to come back. For someone to fix this. For a Christmas miracle. But none comes. No matter how much he screams, Liam isn’t coming back.

Theo leaves Liam on the floor and walks into the kitchen. He grabs the wine they’d bought to try and sets it on the counter, before walking into their bedroom and opening the lockbox. He rifles through the vials there until he finds what he needs. Then he heads back into the kitchen and grabs the wine, popping it open and then pouring a glass. That’s all he’ll need.

Only then does he rejoin Liam in the living room. He holds the glass in his hands and looks down at the contents. He knows what this means. What he’s about to do. But there’s no other way. He’s not getting through this without Liam. And Liam is…

“You don’t have to do this,” Liam whispers. 

Theo knows it’s just a voice inside his head. That Liam isn’t here. But he doesn’t care. He’ll cling to anything of Liam he can right now. “I do.”

“You don’t, Theo,” Liam says. “Just call my parents and Scott. They’ll help you.”

Theo laughs bitterly, “Help me? They’ll hate me for what happened.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Liam says. “You weren’t even here.”

“Exactly!” Theo shouts. “I wasn't here. I couldn’t save you. I didn’t even get to… I didn’t get to say goodbye. Or tell you I loved you.”

“I knew you did,” Liam says. “And I love too, Theo. So much. Enough to not want you to do this.”

“Yeah, except you’re not really here,” Theo mutters. “You’re just some hallucination. So…”

Theo doesn’t think before tipping the contents of the glass back and downing it all.

“That was really stupid,” Liam tells him.

“Maybe, but there’s no going back now.” 

Theo lays down on the floor, curling up next to Liam’s body. The wolfsbane he took was highly potent. He’d made sure of that when he got it. Argent had been dubious when Theo had asked for it, but Theo had assured him he didn’t have plans to hurt anyone. He told him it was just in case he needed a way out on his own terms. Argent still hadn’t looked happy, but he’d handed it over. He probably hadn’t expected Theo to actually use it. And Theo had hoped he never would. But well, he’s about to face a life without the man he loves.

Theo remembers asking Argent if it would hurt. “I’ve heard it feels like falling asleep,” Argent had replied.

As Theo lays there, his breathing becoming slower as his body goes boneless and his vision starts to blur, he thinks Chris had been right. There isn’t any pain. There’s almost a weightlessness as he starts to drift.

“I love you,” Theo whispers.

He knows he’s probably imagining it, but he swears he can almost feel a pair of cold lips against his skin as he starts to drift away. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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